THIS IS ALL WELL AND GOOD
however, I have time to kill before work and am feeling verbose/creative, so, with apologies to Steven Hawking:
Age 0 - Born: Ithaca, NY. Evidentally, not much else happened.
Age 1 - Moved: Lansing, MI. Evidentally, not much else happened.
Age 2 - Moved: Madison, WI. Met my sister, because she hadn't been born yet in the years prior. Also met dylan41 because he lived across the street. Wasn't actually allowed to cross said stret, but we worked it out.
Ages 3 and 4 - "The Pre-school Years." I probably ate some glue, and enjoyed napping. This is just an assumption.
Ages 5 through 10 - "The Elemtary School Years." Moved from glue to cookies, became enamored with baseball (an affliction that has grown since). Was, at some pint in here, allowed to cross the street I was previously not allowed to cross.
Ages 11 through 13 - "The Middle School Years." Still loved baseball, also decided that girls were pretty keen. Didn't really do much about the latter. Potential baseball career abruptly ended in 7th grade due to bout of appendicitis (complete with rupture, gangrene, morphine, Super Mario 3, etc.)
Age 14 - Freshman year. comkilserv becomes my best friend. Many odd things occur, most of them involving fireworks in hallways, dissecting pigs, and playing Sega Genesis.
Age 15 - Sophomore year. comkilserv and I are up to the same things as before, mostly. Sgea, thankfully, releases new games that help us stay away from completing any schoolwork whatsoever. His mothers coins the phrase "mini midget momma", and we are still completely baffled by it.
Age 16 - Junior Year. Parents divorce. In retrospect, a very good decision. Nice of them to wait until my sister and I are both mature enough to understand what's going on and not blame ourselves. At the time, of course, we conveniently blame them instead, but it passes.
Age 17 - Senior Year. Mom gets an apartment right near high school. This is a Bad Idea (tm). This allows me to get up and go to 1st hour (Accounting with comkilserv, which primarily involved: zip tying things together in hilarious fashion, or hitting the student teacher on the head with a Tweety Bird Mallet), then going home for 5 hours, and returning for 7th hour (Chemistry with comkilserv's little (but still quite big) brother, which primarily involved: putting 37 things down his pants, making things explode, making Susannah Brooks laugh). Magically, I graduated with a 2.9 and kicked the crap out of the ACTs.
Age 18 - Whitewater year 1. Passed 1 class. Met and befriended, among others: control_group, phearinc, etc etc etc. Accomplishments included: Taping RA's underwear to dorm hallway, getting turned upside down in said hallway. Met an amazing woman who turned out to be crazy.
Age 19 - Whitewater year 2. Passed 0 classes. Summarily dismissed from said institution. Figured out that, all things considered, alcohol was great. Upon dismissal, sort of fell into a depression and was completely distant from all friends for about 4 or 5 months.
Ages 19 through 22 - "The DisneyWorld Years". Got myself a helluva job in Madison, working for First Weber Realty. Made enough money to go to Whitewater just about every weekend and get completely plowed. Met andamaroo, madolan, _sterno_, etc. Mostly, they thought I was an ass or crazy or or just hated me, because they never got to see me sober. In here somewhere, madolan enrolls at UW-Madison and we become very close.. also in here somewhere, she and comkilserv being dating and eventually break up, which leads to me losing touch with her for like 3 years. SUCK. Adventures include: breaking my face in control_group's backyard, falling in love with andamaroo's 16 year old sister, eating lots of donuts at work.
Age 22 - I come back to Whitewater and live in an apartment with phearinc Somehow, I end up on dean's list, despite basically just watching PPV movies most of the time.
Age 23 - Back to the dorms! I live with control_group. Neither of us has a meal plan. We collect and consume alcohol as if we were rockstars, comkilserv and his brother help out. Make dean's list again, somehow. Meet a girl and (for all intents and purposes) live with her for pretty much 3 years before realizing that she is crazy. (I jest, she's not crazy, but it's the default thing for guys to say once they get dumped. SORRY). Adventures include: Sleeping in first floor bathroom, control_group gets laid finally, and so do I. Not with each other though, you perverts. Also met sillysteff and fizzyseaweed, who are both cooler than me.
Age 24 - Live with comkilserv. Dean's list AGAIN? You bet. Highlights include: Drinking out of a gas can, assaulting a hot dog vendor.
Age 25 - Off campus again, living with janketygirl. Best year of my life. Alternatively, worst year of my life. Looking back, it didn't work at all, despite all the fun that we had. Not 2 weeks after our lease ended I was single. Still working on issues surrounding that. Oddly, most of the highlights of this time have dimmed.
Age 26 - Current. Using LJ and my job as crutches for stability. Not paying enough attention to school, but not really caring. Highlights include kicking control_group's ass at darts in a very consistent manner, and being named Maid of Honor in dewgirl's wedding. (NOTE: I am not a girl).
Today: Received doomshirt.