BREAKING NEWS

some nutbag just gave me a one billion dollar bill! I think it's fake. He alerted me that the dude on the front is a preacher of some sort (Spurgeon?). The back has Mt Rushmore, at least.

He also gave me a card with religious gibberish on the back. On the front is a heat-sensitive thinger that says it'll turn bright green if you're a good person. I'm a bad person, I guess.