2. Computer labs
5. Any location within a 25 foot radius of my person
Now, I _have_ a cellphone. The last time I turned it on (when sober - I often use it to call for a ride home when drinking... which is ACCEPTABLE USE), I believe, was when the front left tire on my car exploded while I was tooling around on the interstate. This occurred something like a year and a half ago. The cellphone is a useful tool, enabling the user to have instant access to communications in a state of crisis and emergency.
THE PRIMARY USE OF THE CELLPHONE IN SOCIETY THESE DAYS, HOWEVER, IS TO GOSSIP AND CHITCAT AND ANNOY THE FUCK OUT OF ME, PERSONALLY. I am not paranoid. This is the truth. CELLPHONE USERS ARE OUT TO ANNOY ME. So far, they're succeeding.
Especially the girl next to me in the lab.
Evidentally she was, like, totally hammered last night! Oh my god!
I would like to hammer her in a more literal sense.
FLAMES. ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE. FIRE.
It also seems to me that 95% of all cellphone users have their ring-tone set to a Scott Joplin tune. I simply cannot comprehend this. How have these ignorant buffoons, most of them females in the age range of 15-20, become so bloody familiar with 1920s RAGTIME PIANIST SCOTT JOPLIN?? HOW HOW HOW?? I SIMPLY DO NOT GET IT.
THESE PEOPLE WILL PROBABLY BE IN CONGRESS SOMEDAY.
*weeps for the future*