MC Gatorade (assfingers) wrote,
MC Gatorade
assfingers

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the human spirit cannot be defeated.

graye just apologized for his "me" posts

his "me" posts kick ass

mine are blatantly stupid



This AOD class I'm taking has been revealing in so many ways, really opened my eyes to a good number of things. Couldn't have happened upon it at a better time. Oddly enough, very little of what I've learned about myself, or the world, or how those two entities attempt to coexist, has actually had jack shit to do with alchohol. This may come as a surprise to those of you who know me well, or spend any amount of time near me, considering the different roles that alcohol has had in my life the last 6 or 7 years.

Anyways, I'm getting off topic. That's why this is under a cut, though, I guess.

But, yeah, not a day goes by in that class that the teacher doesn't say something (and then provide an example that hits home) that doesn't make me feel like I am the absolute worst person to have ever been in a relationship. She passes sheets of paper around that may as well just state: "Hey, Ian, you've been a complete jackass your whole life. Weren't you aware?"

And you know what? That shit makes me feel better. Indescribably so.

Alright, so I'll try and describe it, but it probably won't work out too well. We talk about families, relationships, child-raising, mental disorders, and addictions (obviously.. but not just AOD.. also things like gambling, eating disorders, religion, etc.) (yes, religion can be an addiction), and how these things all interact. What I get out of it, what makes me feel good.. is that this teacher - she's a counselor, as well - she knows how people will react to what she says. Not a class period goes by that she doesn't say something along the lines of "every person, from the most-well adjusted to the most wacked out druggie, to the bi-polar or schizo.. is probably doing as well as they can given what they have been through." OK, it's completely hokey and utterly easy to disprove, but it's comforting. Comforting is nice.

Learning these things about myself.. (and I won't go into the specifics in this particular forum, that's for a short list of people - some of whom refuse to talk to me - and, err, maybe a slightly longer list if beer is involved) makes me realize that no matter how badly I want to repair the past, there's no way to do it. What's more, though, is that since the past cannot be summarily "fixed", I can learn from it. Right now, sure, I'd like to apply it towards impossible goals, but that's just a step forward, that's progress.

One can never take enough steps forward, make enough progress. You'd think I could have figured that out before I got to be this old.

And, hey, it wouldn't be a complete post from me without some shouting, so here goes:

DON'T TELL ME I'M NOT OLD.
I AM PLENTY OLD... for where i am in life



uhhhhhh yeah. so as it turns out, that was more for me than most "me" posts I've ever read.

sorry.
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